Marriage Mayhem Archives

Prelude to an Exhale: My Best Friend Is Getting Married!

From: discoverfeminism.com |

  My best friend is getting married (in three weeks).  In fact, in the last four months, three of my close friends have tied the knot.  I can remember having “waiting to exhale” conversations with all three of these friends (one of them male) about the improbability and impossibility that true, enduring, forever-type love was possible for us.  And so we imagined alternate endings to would-be fairy tales and held fast to each other in what felt like our perpetual singleness.  And we had some good times and some hilarious conversations over glasses of wine, inexpensive meals (the male and I were on graduate student budgets), and long distance phone calls.

Nothing says ‘I love you’ like a good old fashioned plantation wedding

From: discoverfeminism.com |

  Weddings are political. Historically, the role that weddings have played in the consolidation of a national identity has been foundational to how we think about a country, who belongs in that country, who gets to have rights in that country and what their race, class and gender should be. And while some of the more obvious historical exclusions are being pushed against by many eschewing traditional values and having offbeat weddings or gay marriage becoming legal in some (great and awesome) states, the fundamental role that weddings and being married plays into how we think about society has barely shifted, at all.

“Cuckolding is the worst thing that can happen to a man”

From: discoverfeminism.com |

If the comments below my last two posts (based on my “13 year-old son?” piece from Monday) seem hostile, you should see the ones that were deleted in the moderation queue. The Men’s Rights Activists (MRAs) have stirred themselves into quite the tizzy, with posts like this one representing some of the more moderate response.

Is monogamy bad for marriage?

From: discoverfeminism.com |

The cover story of last week’s New York Times Magazine was a feature written by Mark Oppenheimer about marriage and infidelity. The focus of much of the article is Dan Savage, the well-known sex advice columnist and author of Savage Love. I’ve written about him before, and have continued to listen to his weekly podcast. He’s also known for his most recent endeavor: the It Get’s Better project.

No Joint Tax Filing for Same-Sex Couples Who Marry in New York?

From: discoverfeminism.com |

Carlton Smith, Clinical Associate Professor of Law and Director of the Tax Clinic at Cardozo Law School (and a former colleague of mine from Roberts & Holland), brought a tax issue raised by New York’s Marriage Equality Act to my attention and graciously gave me permission to blog about it.

Ralph Richard Banks Asks “Is Marriage for White People?”

From: discoverfeminism.com |

Ralph Richard Banks (Stanford) has a book coming out on September 1, 2011.  Here is a review from Kirkus of Is Marriage for White People? How the African American Marriage Decline Affects Everyone:

New York media power couples are almost all white and straight

From: discoverfeminism.com |

The New York Observer posted a slideshow of forty-eight New York media power couples (including our very own Jessica Valenti) but there were two very obvious omissions from the list. People of color and members of the LGBT community. On a list of 48 couples total, one couple was black and one was a same sex couple. I also think I spotted an Asian man in slide 42! It’s like if “Where’s Waldo” were black.

“Marriage Liberationism”? Sure, why not.

From: discoverfeminism.com |

It’s funny, when I was writing my dissertation many years ago, my adviser said to me: “Katherine, you’re really a libertarian when it comes to gender, aren’t you?”  At the time I resisted the moniker, but is “libertarian” worse than “liberationist”?  Who, on the 4th of July of all days, wouldn’t want to be called a “liberationist” after all?

Obama Administration Appeals Bankruptcy Ruling Finding DOMA Unconstitutional

From: discoverfeminism.com |

Two weeks ago, the Bankruptcy Court for the Central District of California ruled that the Defense of Marriage Act was unconstitutional.  The case involved two men who were legally married in California (in that small window of legality back in 2008).  The U.S. Trustee said they couldn’t file as a married couple because of DOMA, but the Bankruptcy Court found, in a resoundingly strongly worded opinion, that DOMA violated their equal protection rights as guaranteed by the Fifth Amendment.

Why our partnership isn’t a marriage

From: discoverfeminism.com |

It’s now just over three months until our Big Gay Wedding. Excuse me while I freak out for a minute. In fact, it’s not going to be very big (close family and a handful of friends), or even particularly gay (almost surprisingly, not quite all of the friends we’re inviting are queers). But we are getting a civil partnership. So perhaps the more pertinent point is that we appear to be a straight couple and, unlike Katherine & Tom, we’re able to get away with it. Like Katherine and Tom, there are a lot of reasons why we want a civil partnership and not a marriage.

Marriage Tip:

From: discoverfeminism.com |

If you’re freaking out before your wedding because your fiancé wants strippers at his bachelor party and the idea of your fiancé hiring strippers makes you uncomfortable, you should probably just tell him that. And if he still insists on having strippers at his bachelor party even after you tell him it’s making you really really miserable for whatever reason (you don’t want him touching other naked women, you object generally to the idea of men paying women for sexual services, you thought he had more sophisticated taste in recreational activities), perhaps he is not the dude to be marrying.

Arranged marriages: a subversion of feminism

From: discoverfeminism.com |

Marriages are an inescapable reality especially in India. It’s a landmark event in the lives of millions of people. This collaboration is not just between two individuals, but of two families who take the marriage, arranged or love, very seriously. The participating families invest a great deal of money and effort in arranging a perfect

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